Shotgun Serenade
by ManneQuinn
Summary: The Joker receives a new doctor that is different from any other. Once again the Joker seems to be hiding something... and this time, he hasn't just got wicked plans for Gotham... but for something else too. When his new doctor finds out about these newly discovered plans of his, things begin to turn into an extreme situation... Rated T... for now. c:
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: From this point on, I do not own any of the characters other than the possible oc's I might make up later on in the fanfic. All of this is owned by DC not me :). I only created the general plot. My first shot a JokerXHarley ;)**

**Summary:**

**The Joker receives a new doctor that is different from any other. Once again the Joker seems to be hiding something... and this time, he hasn't just got wicked plans for Gotham... but for something else too. When his new doctor finds out about these newly discovered plans of his, things begin to turn into an extreme situation... Rated T... for now.**

**Shotgun Serenade**

**1. Blink**

Joker rarely wondered about the death of himself; he mostly thought of the ludicrous yet macabre ways he could cause death to _others_. He was selfish as a consequence, believing that he was invincible as long as Batman remained alive too.

And everyone knew that Batman could never _kill _his enemies, at least not deliberately.

And he wasn't going to start pondering on the path of whether there was a dull afterlife now, even though he was alone in his deadly silent padded cell, and had nothing better to do other than staring at the tarnished (blood?)stains on the cushioned wall on the other side of the holding room.

_'Padded. Wow! They've started to pay out for the patients welfare...' _he thought with a sneer.

Yet despite his desperate boredom, that usual wide grin was plastered onto his face - this was the infamous ear to ear smile that made the citizens of Gotham have nightmares each and every night, all of them pleading that this time, dear old Joker would be locked away in Arkham for good.

The thought of them tossing and turning, with the very real memory of his demented, joyous laugh echoing back to them from the last time he had made a public appearance... It was a satisfaction for him.

He began to chuckle, his arms struggling from the cramp the strait jacket was giving him.

He shuffled about over the soft furnished floor, stopping when his spine hit a wall behind him. He paused with his laughter, hard viridian eyes flicking from the wall opposite to the thick steel door, which was the only thing that kept the division between the sane Ordinary World and the insane Joker World.

He thought about how Gotham was doing without him... It will be like the last time... all normal, all routine, no change, no fun...

"Well that will all _change _soon..." he muttered, hands finding the opposite arm's forearm as they were entwined like some sort of knot underneath the strait jacket. "I will be free, _free! _Free as a certain _bat, _mentioning no names, of course..."

Joker giggled, nails digging into his forearms roughly as he rocked back and forth to the rhythm of his own laughter.

Due to his concentration onto his own maniacal chuckles, the noise of approaching footsteps were gradually becoming louder from the forbidden, forlorn corridor outside his cell and were going unnoticed.

It was only when that someone rapped their knuckles lightly on the metal door that his gleeful emotion was wiped clean off his face.

His eyes shot to the door again on his right, a slight hint of an amused smirk touching his unreal full scarlet lips. He never had been so happy to see another human in his life! Not because he wanted to be social because of his solitude...

No. In fact... He _loved _to be alone...

It was because whoever was now knocking at the door, would be his key to the door of getting the heck out of Arkham. They wouldn't know it. They wouldn't guess it. They would just do it.

He was in his element, just feeling the adrenaline surge through his slender, muscular body... that sense of curiosity he had, made him grin even more.

The eye slit was taken away to reveal a snapshot of the corridor outside... there were no eyes there to be seen.

Joker frowned, yet the grin stayed glued to its rightful place.

He shifted a little, stepping up onto his toes into the crouching position. He crept closer to the door, making sure he was right under the eye slit so he wouldn't be seen.

Joker raised an eyebrow and cupped a hand around his ear to listen through the metal door.

He let out a soundless laugh; whoever was on the other side was clearly either very scared or damn nervous for he could hear their shuddered breaths and could practically _smell _their fear...

The Clown Prince took his hand away and leaned away slightly, yet would still be out of the person's sight.

He heard something collide on the other side of the door, possibly their fear-exhausted body as they peered through the sight box.

Their breaths speeded up even more, turning into panting when their eyes were met with the empty, dimly lit cell. "No, no, no, no!" he heard them whisper firmly. He could just imagine their eyes darting about with worry... panicking that he had escaped.

"J-Jokah?" a little hoarse whisper said, the honest fear was dripping from each letter that formed his name and god... he couldn't express how much he was going to _love _manipulating this nervous one...

_'Let the games begin.'_ he thought, grinning mischievously as he slowly raised out of his crouching position, bending over now, so that the person on the other side would still be blind to seeing him.

"J-Jokah?!" they said a little louder.

By this point he could tell that they were a woman, which made his eyebrows arch up in surprise. A woman? What was a _female _doing stood at_ his_ cell door? Most of them steered clear of any contact with him... Then he noticed something else. _Joke-Ah_? Since when had he been Joke-_Ah_? He let it go, it was probably nothing.

Before he realized it, his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he'd stood up abruptly, popping up right in front of the woman's eyesight. She gasped and her aqua eyes grew wide with fright; he ducked his head further down in order for her to stare right into his lime eyes.

Even though she couldn't see his smiling mouth, she knew he would be from that sadistically amused stare he was giving her.

"Well _hello _there to you too..." he greeted sarcastically, giving the door one good kick and just knowing that she jumped as he did so. "And what could the Clown Prince do you for you, Baby Blue?"

The eyes seemed to look surprised as they were referred to in his sudden nickname, they blinked a few times.

"My name's Dr Quinzel..." she said quietly in a slightly toned down Brooklyn accent, surprising him further when he noticed she hadn't just closed the eye slit on him, since most people were usually too scared to carry on talking with him. "I - I'm going to be your new doctor."

He jumped back from the door, and then attempted to point to himself with his shoulder, mouthing '_My _new doctor? Why do I need a _new one?_'

Dr Quinzel's eyes darted around, since he'd gone out of sight again. "Why's that Baby Blue? What happened to my old Doc?" he asked abruptly, frowning in deep thought, keeping his smile there.

"He... He hung himself after your last session, d-don't you remember?"

Joker laughed, rushing up to see her eyes again and making her let out a scared squeak.

"Oh yeahhh. I must've so darn busy with 'ol Bat Guano, that it must have slipped my mind. Ah well. He can't have been _that _important. _Heh_!"

Dr Quinzel was shaking on the other side of the door... Yet she felt the cold metal handle of the door inside her sweaty palm...

_'What the hell are you doing? You're not going in there with that... green haired monster are you?! You know that he talked the last intern into his damn grave!' _

Her eyes squeezed shut and then opened again.

She inserted the key to his cell into the lock...

On the other side, Joker's smile had faded a little, leaving a small smirk on his face, although his green eyes said different.

He lifted his eyes to see that the cyan ones had been staring right at them, and now looked into his soul as if he was sane as any other... like her fear of him was now gone and had been resolved by herself. It was like she was another person...

He heard the lock jolt and unlock...

She wasn't actually... going to _enter _was she? Didn't she remember what she'd just told him? She knew that he'd already 'killed' his last doctor...

They continued to look into each other's eyes, like there was no door between them at all.

It was then that she blinked again, turning the key back so that the door was once again locked.

Joker grinned and his eyes seemed to darken.

"You were going to come in here, _weren't_ you Baby Blue?"

"N-No..." she replied worriedly, clearly frowning. "And it's Dr Quinzel to you."

Joker rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her (not that she could see his mouth).

"Tomorrow we have our first therapy session, so have a think about whether you want to talk about anything - "

"Ooh. _My _choice huh?"

"What? Yes, anything that's seeming to bother you, or has bothered you in the past."

He burbled up a deep snigger, smile growing even more (like it was even _possible_...) as he brought his red lips right in front of his Doctor's eyes.

"I shall look forward to it!" Joker cried joyously, literally laughing into her face. Dr Quinzel quickly slid the sight box shut with the thin steel sheet that had been in place before, blocking the Joker from view. However, his wicked, maddening laughter still rumbled through the door, sending chills down her spine.

And at that point Harleen knew that she'd made a huge mistake.

Why the _hell _had she even agreed to become the Joker's new doctor?

Shaking her head, she shrugged, "Come on Harl, it's just another job... Get a grip..."

She slowly walked down the chilling corridor, the echoes of the Clown Prince's laughter following her all the way before she ran off down another ward to get away from the maniac's high pitched cackle.

"Get a grip?" she whispered, thin fingers pushing a few stray blonde locks out of her face from her bashful demeanour she had, now that she realized what had just happened. "I don't think I can..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Shotgun Serenade**

**2. Curiosity**

The Joker was laid out over his padded cell floor, eyes closed and his breathing heavy.

He was tired? _No._ Bored? _Yes._

He never usually slept fully overnight, yet earlier that morning he'd actually had to wake himself up like any other normal person, which... he was frankly, quite worried about. To anyone a good night's sleep was... well, _good. _But for the Clown Prince? No. No, it meant that he'd been discussing something with himself, or rather, feeling a certain amount of excitement to see his new doctor that it had actually made him tired from his heightened giddiness.

"Manipulation," he said to himself. "I suppose it's been such a long time since I've done it..."

He smiled broadly, overly happy with his possible explanation, and actually believed that his theory _was_ actually what it was that was 'bothering him'.

After being served lunch (which he plainly dismissed because he refused to eat such healthy crap that was the same as they gave other patients, he wanted something more _special_), a loud, dense knock sounded on his cell door.

"Yo, _Clown_! I'm here to collect you for Dr Quinzel." a booming voice stated, there was no empathy or emotion in the deep voice - not like Dr Quinzel's voice or Dr... no, only Dr Quinzel spoke with at least some emotion to him. Ha, funny that...

"Okay, okay. Jeez gotta let a guy _get up_ first boys."

The Joker stood up, hearing the door unlock.

The unlocking sound had seemed to sound more hopeful the last time, when his new doctor had opened it. Maybe he was imagining it? He was known for imagining things after all.

Strong hands grabbed hold of him when the door opened, shoving him out of his prison cell roughly without an ounce of thought for whether they'd hurt him or not. He heard his door slam behind him and the sound rebounded down the corridor as the arms held a firm grip on him. The previously loud corridor, in which the other inmates had been shouting from their cells, suddenly quietened.

"Y'know fellas," he began, that wicked smile creeping onto his mouth. "You could be just a _tad _gentler.."

A fist collided with his jaw, and he began to laugh, like he was enjoying toying with them. That was going to bruise for sure...

"Ohhh come on now, that _must _be against some kinda law?!"

"Law? What do laws matta to _you_? You're just a sad, sick freak that wants to run this city into the shit heap."

"Well... At least you got one thing right - _OW!_"

A bigger fist punched his stomach and a hand pushed him forwards, telling him to keep on moving. Yep, _definitely_ going to bruise...

Soon the guards told him to halt and one guard held him in place as the other opened a white door. The Joker immediately noticed that there was a slot on this door, holding some kind of name card.

_Dr. Harleen Quinzel_

"Wooww. Hot name!" he commented, chuckling.

A slap was applied to the back of his head and made the Joker frown from annoyance and boredom.

"Oh come on! That wasn't even a _smidgen _worthy of a slap!" he protested, conveying mock surprise. The guard growled and took a step forward, ready to give him another punch...

"No Jimmy, he's been abused enough already. If bruises show up, Dr Quinzel's gonna wonder..."

"No shit..." Joker muttered, eyes narrowing."When I get outta here I ought to..."

Suddenly the door opened further, revealing familiar beautiful blue eyes and a beautiful figure to match. The Joker's eyes popped out of his skull and his jaw dropped open... well, she had a hot name... why not be hot in the flesh too?

"Dr Quinzel's gonna wonder what?"

Joker wasn't the centre of attention at the moment so he decided to take the opportunity to rake his eyes down his Doctor; her hair was blonde and tied up into a high ponytail, leaving her neck and shoulders visible which had the softest, clearest looking porcelain skin Joker had ever seen. The famous eyes were framed with thin black frames, making her look clever. Her figure was slim and curvaceous which made him grin with curiosity and excitement. Unfortunately, since she was wearing a long white coat, a t-shirt and jeans he couldn't see anything he was wondering frantically about... so he gave up because he knew he was getting carried away - even for him.

"N-Nothin'."

One of the guard's grabbed Joker again to push him into the room.

"That won't be necessary, Jimmy. I'm sure Mr Joker can enter the room by himself."

The guard grumbled and took his hand away.

The other guard tipped his hat to the doctor.

"We'll be back in an hour to collect him. If you want longer that's fine. Some more guards will arrive soon to mind the door. C'mon Jim."

The two guards meandered back down the corridor, arguing as they went.

The Joker watched his doctor with interest as she walked back into her office, motioning for him to follow.

"Come in and take a seat," she said, moving her desk chair over to the leather lounger that was next to an intelligent collection of books on a bookshelf behind it.

Without taking his eyes off her, the Joker did as she said; he walked in casually, using his foot to close the door, and then made his way over to the lounger.

Before he laid down, she told him to stop.

He just turned to her with a smile and she shyly crept closer, hands latching onto the buckled straps of his strait jacket. His smile turned into a toothy grin as she ran her hands over his torso to undo every strap. Soon he could feel his arms wiggling free and the strait jacket was off him, a thin orange t-shirt the only thing covering his top half.

The jacket hit the floor and she brought some silver handcuffs out of her pocket, ordering him to lift his hands up so she could place them around his wrists.

"Ooh. Kinky." Joker said huskily, giving her a playful wink.

She ignored him and latched each ring around both of his wrists. "Just to be on the safe side..."

She left him and sat onto her desk chair opposite him, where he now lay on the lounger, green eyes very _not _amused as they studied the ceiling. To be honest, he'd rather have been staring at her... now _that _would definitely be more _interesting._

"So, have you had any thought on what you'd like to talk - "

"Don't you think I'm just _amazingly_ fantastic?" Joker interrupted, grin widening as he turned his head to face his doctor. "I mean I must be meant for somethin' if I've actually lived this long. Come _on_! How long have I survived bein' around that bat for? Ha ha! He'll never get rid of ol' Joker that's for sure!"

Harleen frowned and reached an arm back to her desk, clumsily gripping onto her clipboard. He was actually _talking!_

Joker rolled onto his side so his whole body was facing her, his elbow propping him up to support his position. She snatched the clipboard and held it in front of her face, hiding the Joker so she didn't have to watch him. She could listen... but she couldn't watch.

"Did those guards hurt you?" Harleen asked, trying to hide that she was genuinely concerned.

"Pfft! Naa! Little fist here and there never hurt anyone. Why do you ask?"

"They... look kinda rough. And they don't treat the other patients like that..."

"Oh. I _am_ special after all."

He gave out a short laugh, forcing his doctor to look at him. She didn't like to see him... but she needed to watch to see his reactions and emotions.

"How do you feel about - "

"Your name's Harleen right, Baby Blue?"

God that nickname again! It wasn't that Harleen didn't like it... it was that she _did... _and just the way it rolled off his tongue like he'd been calling her it for almost forever...

"Yeah... You read my door?" she asked knowingly, finding herself smirking for no reason other than the fact she knew how he knew her name.

"Well, you're a _smartie_ as well as a _hottie_ - I'll keep that in mind when I get outta here." he said darkly, yet in a way that had a more suggestive intention rather than a scaring intention. He laughed longer this time, sitting up so he was mirroring the way Harleen was sat.

Harleen didn't know what to think... Maybe it _was _a bad idea to let him out of that strait jacket... but then again he hadn't actually killed her yet so she was doing well so far.

She just hoped that the guards (who she hoped had actually turned up outside) didn't sneak a peek at them inside, they would charge in at the sight if Joker out of his jacket... and then she'd probably lose her job for her own unorthodox methods...

She felt her cheeks flush and her hands began to shake, yet it wasn't fear that shook her this time... it was the fact she had been flirted with by one of the scariest, most wanted criminal minds on the whole of Earth and had felt so flattered by it...

"Y-You're going to break out again?" she asked, desperately wanting to change the subject.

"Yeahhh duhh! Obviously I _will_! Batso knows I won't last _five minutes_ in here so I'll have to be extra careful on getting out this time." he answered enthusiastically, narrowing his eyes when he saw that she was writing everything down. "Hey! Baby Blue, what's the deal with you writin' this down?!"

Joker launched himself forward and used his cuffed hands as a single limb, pushing the notes out of her grip.

Harleen growled and stood up attempting to get past Joker to collect the clipboard. He used his shoulder to barge into her, sending her flying back into her chair.

"Look," he said calmly as he returned to his seat, smiling at her as she scowled at him. "I _will _get out of here eventually. And anyone inside of Arkham that finds out _any sort _of... _details_ on my plans to get out of here and my plans on what I'm _going to do _once I get out... has two choices."

He paused, grinning as she let out a shaky breath.

"One: I kill them or make _them _kill _themselves,_ and they're forever forgotten to me - Like my old Doc." He cleared his throat. "... Apparently."

He slid off the seat again to stand up and lean down so his mouth was next to her ear.

"Or two: They come with me and... I choose what role they get to have in my... _little club_."

Harleen closed her eyes and shivered, feeling his lips stretch into a grin against her ear.

"So, if you're _curious_ about me, _Dr Quinzel_, be prepared to choose which consequence you want to happen."

He spat her name at her, like he hated the fact he had to use it.

"Is this so if anything would go wrong you could always say that you weren't playing god, since _I _was the one that chose my own path."

He giggled and nodded.

"Boy you're a smart one!"

His mouth left her skin and he sat back down, resuming his lying on his side position. "So what'll it be, Baby Blue? Gonna give in and get to know me a lil' more and possibly end up in my team (or worse in a dumpster somewhere off the East End ha!)? Or you gonna stay curious so that you're sure to stay in this dull, boring job and you'll never live dangerously... or die dangerously, which would be - "

Joker mocked a yawn and added, "Boorrring..."

Harleen was mesmerized.

This was only their first meeting and already something about choices had come up... But this wasn't the patient's choice... this was _her _choice. Either way she knew there was a chance she could survive. Survive _and _get what she wanted.

She looked up, into his viridian eyes and saw mischief present in them as he looked at her. She'd studied the Joker a little bit at home before she'd come into this job, and there was not a single picture that she remembered with him conveying such a... different, unrecognizable emotion. Already he was making her inch closer to knowing more about him.

"I want to know more," she said, crossing one leg over the other to rest her elbow there whilst her palm held her chin in place. "And whether I die knowing more about you is meaningless, it's not like I have anyone that would actually care anyway..."

He was intrigued and interested by her words yet showed no curiosity of his own.

"Then, we have a deal?"

She nodded.

Joker grinned.

He knew he was going to like his new doctor.

A lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shotgun Serenade**

Harleen yawned, smashing her hand onto her alarm clock to stop it from blaring out the infernal racket that had startled her in the first place.

She prised herself up, and then collapsed onto her bed again.

"I can't do work this early... Why the hell did I even take this job?" she cursed herself, growling as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed. "Oh yea... I remember now... _More money..."_

Harleen lazily, clumsily got herself together for work, travelling around her penthouse apartment in a zombie-like manner. Sometimes she even let out a half dead groan...

As she waited for her toast to pop up and her coffee machine to start doing its thing, she decided to turn on the plasma TV since the kitchen and living room were actually one big room.

She sauntered over to the mirror, giving herself one last look over.

Blood red lips. Black eye makeup. A touch of vanilla scent...

Long blonde locks were tied up in a high pony tail but a windswept fringe still framed her face.

She wore a black v-neck t-shirt with skinny red skirt ... well, red skirts were the only thing she could do to make herself a little more different from the other interns at Arkham Asylum... Well, she was a little different anyway, being clever, blonde _and _beautiful.

Well she wasn't a _natural _blonde.

Soon her toast and coffee had been made and she sat on her couch, casually watching TV but not actually taking any of it in.

_"And to recap on today's news: Wayne Industries are holding a charity ball in two weeks time to collect money for the Gotham Restoration project, which will involve rebuilding and renovating key aspects of Gotham City such as: Amusement Mile, The Regal Hotel and the East End Cinema..." _

Harleen sipped her coffee, wrapping her black nailed fingers around her favourite mug... which happened to have a Halloween theme. It was the only thing that reminded her of how much she loved to dress up... the only time she could be someone else for a while...

_"In other news, the GCPD have noticed a rise in suspicious activity around the site on which Arkham Asylum lies..."_

Harley choked on her drink, slamming it onto the table in front of her and taking note on what she was hearing.

_"Witnesses have stated that they have seen 'unreal' and 'impossible' things, without elaborating further on these descriptions. All of these witnesses have now mysteriously disappeared from their homes in the past week. If you have seen anything related to suspicious, irrational activity in or around Arkham, the number to call will be transmitted shortly after these messages..."_

Suspicious activity?!

Well this was the first Harley had heard of it! And how long had this been going on for? She'd already been working there for a week now and she'd noticed nothing.

Her blue eyes caught the time and she gasped, taking the last bite out of her slice of toast.

"Shit shit shit! My second session with Joker and already I'm ten minutes late!"

She slung on some black heeled boots, grabbing her files, bag and keys, rushing out of the sky scraper to her black Eldorado Cadillac that had been parked precariously in her parking space outside.

"With a little speed I could actually make it on time..."

The dark haired Dr Leland frowned at the rushing Dr Quinzel, who was clumsily sorting herself out for the next session with her patient.

"You're forty minutes late," the "bitch" doctor stated lifelessly, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked further into Harleen's office. Oh how Harley wished she could tell someone about her clever new nickname she had for Leland!

It was a shame she had no family or friends from work or home to talk to...

There was just money, music, TV and work. Oh - and smoking and food.

That pretty much summed up her life.

"I_ know _how late I am..." she muttered, gritting her teeth as she fixed her I.D badge onto her lab coat, ignoring her superior doctor.

"You do realise this is your second session with the nut job today right?!"

Harley set her jaw and narrowed her eyes.

"He's not 'The Nut Job'. As we are in a professional environment we call our patients by their _name_, or if they don't have one; one that they desire. So it's _the Joker _or _Joker. _Not _the Nut Job. _Sheesh. No wonder no one gets any better in this place!"

Dr Leland shook her head in disgust, eyes wide in surprise.

"Just because you're treating one of the most insane criminals in Goth- No, _America, _doesn't mean that you're above all of us."

Harleen shrugged, flapping her hands at her. "Feel free to leave _anytime_, I'm sure _Nut Job _will be along any minute." Dr Quinzel spat venomously, pulling her desk chair closer to the leather lounger like she had done for the last session.

Dr Leland huffed and stalked out of Harley's office like she was something way better than Harley... She clearly wasn't, because she wasn't the one who had the Joker job, right?!

Shaking her head, Harley let out a sigh and glanced over Joker's files one last time. She suddenly noticed there was nothing on the details section in the boring paperwork bit she had clearly missed out on reading... no name, no age, no nationality...

Now she thought about it, it was kinda hard to pin point where the Joker would actually be from... his accent was a little muddled, it was American with a touch of English...

Yes it was muddled... But when he spoke, it was impossible to ignore - Harley just _had _to listen.

Her eyes landed on his mug shot, which she had always neglected because... she never could actually bring herself to look at him... To look into the green, fluorescent eyes of the freak, the robber, the killer...

Yet at this moment, she couldn't take her eyes away from it.

Her blue eyes widened at the photo.

Joker was smiling - as usual. He was still dressed in his presumably 'usual' purple suit jacket, with a light neon green shirt beneath. He wore a violet waistcoat and tie over the top; all of his attire matched his looks, and, she _knew _she would kick herself for thinking it but...

He looked _damn hot._

His thick, messy green locks were sticking up at various different, crazy angles, a single strand falling in front of his eye line - in front of those piercing, secret bearing eyes.

"God... if I'm beginning to find him hot in a _picture... _What will I think when he comes... in _here?"_

Harley gasped and slammed the file shut, rushing over to the lounger to make sure the cushions were plumped enough so Joker would be comfortable.

She was feeling anxious all of a sudden, like the feeling someone gets when they're going on their first date. She tried to blink and shiver the emotion away, but it made no difference.

It wouldn't be long until he was here...

Maybe... another coffee would help?

Joker mumbled as he stood outside his doctor's office, annoyed by the guard who was bent down and tying his shoe lace, whistling a tune.

The only thing Joker had wanted to do all week was to see his doctor... He'd actually asked countless times for an urgent session with her, but each time he asked, he had been declined (apparently) by the woman herself.

But he knew that _she _wouldn't have denied _him._

So instead, they'd given him an extra long session today - whether Dr Quinzel was aware of that, he didn't know. But the thing he _did _know, was that he was staying for the whole time... not leaving a second earlier unless he had to.

The guard opened her door, letting Joker walk inside himself.

_'Oh goody! This guard remembers what she'd told him from last time! He's not as potato-like as he looks...' _he thought, mouth spreading into a stretched grin.

The door closed behind him, and he silently sat himself down on the lounger.

He wasn't certain that she'd noticed him, so he lifted his legs up, laying himself over the leather couch, intense stare glued onto her figure. She was sat on her desk with her back to him holding a mug of coffee in her hands, clearly staring down at some file with... admiration in her eyes.

_Wait._

Was that _his _file?!

"Morning Doc!" he piped up, sniggering when she immediately jumped from the desk, covering the file up with another. "Been busy?"

She seemed to flinch as he spoke, but not because of fear...

"G-Good morning Joker."

He made a face and struggled with his arms and shoulders.

"Don't think... ya could help me outta this again could ya?" he asked, fighting to find a way out.

"Oh." Dr Quinzel said, blushing a deep magenta as she wandered over to him, tugging at the buckles on the jacket. "Sorry, I'm a ditz today..."

Joker raised an eyebrow and grinned, enjoying how close to her face he was, as well as the feel of her firm yet sweet hands through the material of the strait jacket.

Soon, he shrugged it off, letting the heap of material hit the ground heavily. He held out both hands together in front of him, waiting for the handcuffs.

"Shit..." Harley muttered, eyes scanning her office. "I forgot the handcuffs..."

The Joker laughed, lowering his arms to place them over his lap.

"Ha! Guess you'll just have to trust me, huh?" he stated lowly, giggling in a high tone afterwards.

She scratched the back of her neck and nodded, turning to sit down.

Now she was a little frightened... there was no way she could ever stop him from hurting her now... But, she also felt... a little excited. What if, he didn't _hurt _her... but did something else?

_'What the hell are you thinking! You're going crazy!'_

She crossed one leg over the other, taking her notebook into her hands. Joker opened his mouth to remind her of what he'd told her in the last session but she lifted her eyes to look at him.

"It's just for show," Harley said quietly, feeling exposed as his annoyed glare turned into that of lust as they ran down her full length. "They'll start to wonder if I've got nothing to 'record' you with..."

She cleared her throat, shaking her head to the right to move the windswept fringe out of her eyes.

"I like your... lipstick." he said huskily, her eyes on his hands as they shifted from his sides to the top of his stomach, where his fingers drummed lightly. Her fingers shot to her lips and she tickled her bottom lip, realizing that it was her new dark burgundy lipstick.

"Y-You do?"

"Yes. You should wear it more often... It makes you... different."

Harley laughed and felt her cheeks blushing, finding 'different' the greatest compliment she had ever gotten. Her perfect white teeth showed as she grinned, making Joker grin too.

"Well... you suit purple." she said, cutely holding a finger under her bottom lip.

He gave her a wink and his eyes lit up with amusement as his toothy grin stayed present.

Harley felt a rush of butterflies fly right through her, her breathing starting to get shallow from the feeling. He had clearly noticed because he subtly sat up, those hands falling back down to his sides in order to hold him up.

She knew she should be asking questions but she couldn't quite bring herself to do it... it was as if when the Joker conducted how the conversation was going to go, it turned out to be much more interesting...

"Do you have any questions?" he asked, that gleeful amusement slightly dying out in his swirling emerald irises; his voice slipped into a slightly more English accent than American and her eyes fluttered as he spoke.

This time, Joker noticed the cause of her little flinch and pressed his lips into a cocky smirk, lying back down - those hands now entwined and around the back of his mint haired head.

God. He was _so _smooth.

"W-Where are you from Joker?" Harley managed to ask, swallowing as she noticed that she had pushed her chair closer.

"You tell me." he said darkly, his gaze tracing the neck of her shirt, eyes full of curiosity as they paused on her chest. "You make the story. And I'll believe it."

Inside she was utterly baffled. What the hell? What was this game? She couldn't work him out - why was he letting her create fictions about him? It was so stupid... but she loved it all the same. And she couldn't help herself.

"Well if I had to place you somewhere... I'd say, you were originally from England..."

Joker grinned.

He liked where this was going.

"And... um... You would be..."

"_Were..." _he corrected, forcing her to say her fiction to him in a more realistic way, like she was recalling real events that had happened to him.

"Okay... you _were _a Lord of a large county, you were kinda a playboy... and you had a huge country estate... With one of those gorgeous mansions..."

"Mmm yes! And each room was _showered_ in purple!"

The two of them laughed and she pulled the chair nearer again, this time without knowing.

"And... _your_ room was dark red... just like your lipstick," he added huskily, eye lids hooding over his viridian eyes as he gazed at her. "And maybe black, you do _like _black right?!"

Harley nodded, tilting her head in intimate wonder at him.

He sat up, those hands by his sides as he swung his legs so now they were face to face, eye to eye, although... Joker was a little taller so he had to look down on her slightly... But it was face to face as much as possible.

It was then, that it hit her... How close she was to him... It could only have been her own doing...

That was his game. He'd wanted her nearer. He'd needed to draw her in...

Despite knowing he was only toying with her, she so _desperately_ wanted to find out what he so _desperately _wanted from her.

"Ya know, Baby Blue - "

Her eyes fluttered.

The grin crawled onto his face.

"I wish we had more sessions together. You're a helluva lot more interesting than the crazy dogs in here... And... everyone thinks I'm one of 'em too! But I'm not!"

Harley smiled, finding that she couldn't stop herself.

"So, if you're not, why are you in here?"

He closed his mouth and that cocky, selfish grin graced his ruby lips.

"'Guess I'm in here for being too damn clever. Well, I can't say I blame them. But it's not like I won't get out... Because _I will."_

God, she could listen to him for hours... It didn't matter what he was saying - it was just the sound he made, the emotions he conveyed - it sent chills down her spine... and she _loved it._

She loved how he sounded... but what about how he felt? Would he be coarse and rough, tough and tense? She tried to stop herself from imagining but before she knew it, her hands were reaching forward, black nail polish on her fingers shining from the strip lights - the reflected light had caught his attention.

And he did nothing. He just sat there, watching her lean in closer, the smile curling his lips into the most inhuman emotion.

Her hands shook as he moved his own to settle on his lap; he was waiting to see whether she'd chicken out ... Yet she kept on leaning in, eyelids slowly lowering as her fingertips brushed over his bony knuckles.

His crystal clear skin was as soft as anything... so smooth and touchable. No one would've thought so...

Her other hand met his left one, stroking the skin which was the same there too. He inhaled sharply when her thumbs kneaded his palms, his own eyelids now heavy and hiding his eyes like he was sleepy.

She gently felt their torsos collide, her own chest feeling the strong, tough torso structure through his white shirt. Now her eyes were closed, she could feel only what she could described as his straight nose softly nuzzling against her own.

_'This is wrong Harleen!'_

_'No, it... feels like I've found a new home.'_

She let out a shuddered breath when she felt his lips' skin over her own, his ruby red mouth teasing her dark scarlet mouth.

Red teasing red.

A deep sigh left his lips and his breath moistened the outside of her dry mouth, her hands now being touched by his... Even then he'd made sure that _he'd _got every single scrap of power, however small or insignificant.

"Jokah," Harley whispered, her Brooklyn accent more obvious now he had set her free, in some kind of way he didn't really understand. "We can't..."

"We _can." _he replied in a breath, in the most believable, dependable demeanour he'd ever portrayed. "You trust me, don't you Harley?"

_Harley._

"Yes..."

Joker smiled, squeezing her hands. She let out a sharp gasp from his nails digging into them and he launched forward, pressing his lips against her own. She moaned into him, from the pain he'd emitted to her hands, from the shock of what she was actually liking - and from what he was _doing..._

And from how he was making her act, and feel.

She was kissing him back now, her hands trying to escape his grasp to reach up and knot through his gorgeous green locks. He kept a firm grip on her, still making sure he was in control of her in some way.

His taste was irrational and unreal, like something from a fairy tale. Even if he was a villain in this so-called fairy tale, with his flavour, looks, charm and sadistic wit, she would probably be drawn to him every time.

Soon his hands let her own go, his own hands too eager to wrap around her body to care whether he had control now. She heard him rumble out a low groan when her fingers threaded through his hair, just as she had wanted to do a minute before...

Why was he doing this to her?

He wouldn't just do... such a romantic thing in order to involve her in a plan would he?

Even she knew that this wasn't like him.

But she couldn't help wondering: What was to come of their next session?

She internally fainted at the thought.

From then on, she knew that she would have to forgetthose handcuffs more often.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shotgun Serenade**

Some weeks passed by, and their sessions were just as normal...

Discounting the kissing that usually occurred towards the end of each time slot, Dr Quinzel had learned quite a bit more about her dearest, most favourite patient - in _professional_ terms anyway...

Joker could tell that in each session, not only had he manipulated her - he'd actually gone and cast a spell on her, making her fall for him in the most devoted way. As each session quickly passed, her affection towards Joker became even more obvious.

And because of this unsaid love of him, he'd decided to be on his best, quiet and calm behaviour; it made it seem that his Harley _was _doing him some good, but in truth, her psychiatric skills_ weren't_ making any difference whatsoever. Although the only difference she had made to him was that ... he had been thinking about _her _a lot. He'd been thinking about after she would help him escape - what would he do? He couldn't kill her... She was the only one that would ever _get _him, the only one that would ever be on his side no matter what, the only one that would _love _him... But why would he even _need _her anyway? It's not like she would be useful...

He shook his head out of his thoughts... _'Well, at least she'd made herself useful by getting me out of that strait jacket! Let's hope it's for good this time...' _He smiled a small smile,never looking happier to see his old orange Arkham overalls over his body; his arms were loose and resting against the back of his head.

Joker narrowed his eyes when his guards suddenly barged in, disrupting his thoughts.

They'd brought him breakfast early - he'd earned a cooked one for his consistent good behaviour - and they actually acknowledged him with a nod.

"I see I've lost my _amazing_ ability to be invisible." he said with a snide smirk. "So c'mon fellas! What's brought this on?"

Like he _didn't know._

One guard walked in, placing the plate onto the rustic table next to the cot on which Joker was lazily chilling out on. The other one stood in the steel doorway, looking like the traditional hero type with that dent in his chin.

"Your doctor has requested that you get a reward for behaving." the one by the door replied, his grip on his gun squeezing tighter when the Joker's attention was on him. The villain's eyes seemed to shine and then glow at the words, the smirk widening into an enlightened grin.

The two guards looked at each other, warily making their way out of his cell.

"And... Dr Quinzel has requested that you have lunch within your session, she wants an extra long analysis with you today."

"I would be... _delighted _to accept."

He cackled and the prison guards glared at one another, rushing out of his reach and out of the door as fast as their legs could go.

Joker closed his mouth, still chuckling to himself when he heard his door lock. He snatched one of the slices of toast he'd been given from the plate to his right, sitting up on his cot in order for the toast to reach his mouth. His teeth ripped a chunk out of the slice, his eyes calculating and mischievous.

"_Requested _an _extra long _session, _eh?"_

Perhaps today was _the_ day...

_12:00 AM_

The guards closed the door to Harley's office, leaving her and her patient with lunch.

"Any handcuffs today Sweets?" Joker asked, the knowing grin already on his red lips.

"You mean you don't know?!" Harley answered excitedly, giggling and taking her blonde hair out of her ponytail, tossing it from side to side to allow it to flow down her back, neck and shoulders. "I... _forget them again..."_

"Aw... Well that's a _shame _isn't it Doll Face? I could _kill _you after all."

_Doll Face. _She loved it when he called her that.

Harley hopped over to him, happy smile telling him she was in a playful mood, as she always was when he was around. It was like she could be herself around him; she didn't have to pretend to be all adult and boring like she had done throughout her nerdy college days... She didn't have to be ashamed of anything.

She jumped onto his lap, arms latching around him.

He really did wonder how the two of them hadn't actually gotten caught in the act yet... Arkham really hadn't latched onto social security - they were too indulged in Wayne Tech's gadgets to bother with the traditional word of mouth security, _apparently_.

Harley puckered her lips and leaned in to press them to his, but ended up kissing his cheek when he moved his head in the opposite direction. "Ah, ah, ah!" Joker said patronizingly, wagging his finger at her as he did so. "Food first. I'm _starving_!"

She pouted, crossing her arms over. "Well _I'm _hungry too!" she argued, frowning when he grinned evilly. "And - hey! Didn't you have a cooked breakfast this morning?!"

"Umm hmmm."

"You're gonna get _fat_ Joker."

He laughed, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her closer, nuzzling his nose into her neck. She gasped at his affectionate action... this was new. It had only been kissing in the weeks before - yet now, he was doing things like any normal girl's boyfriend would...

He planted little kisses on her collar bone, sighing into her intoxicating scent.

"Have y-you ever loved anyone J-Jokah?"

His moist mouth paused over her skin, his fingers digging into her waist from surprise.

_'Bingo...' _Joker thought, mentally chuckling to himself. _'This is the start of getting out of here J! She's gonna actually fall for it!'_

"No," he whispered emotively, knitting his eyebrows together in a hurtful, believable wince. "You can probably see why. I'm not that... _likeable... _if you hadn't noticed. And plus, no one's ever actually understood my jokes... or at least, they've never actually laughed along with them."

He inhaled sharply, raising his head to press a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"What about you Harley?" he added in the same soft, emotional tone. "Surely someone has gone for you at some point?" She shook her head, shyly cupping his face in her hands with a longing look in her eyes.

"No one has ever loved me."

"What about yourself? Do you... y'know, _like like _anyone?"

A fierce blush came over her and she gulped, her eyes shifting to anywhere that wasn't him. He felt her hands shake slightly against his skin as they fell from his face.

"I had a few crushes here and there... teachers at school and college... No one who I could have actually devoted my life to though..."

Her longing gaze was pulled back to the burning lime toxicity shining through his darker green irises. "No, no no!" the Joker quickly interrupted, letting out one harsh giggle. "What I asked was: Do you _like like - " _He winked twice. " - anyone? As in _now. _In this very moment?"

She'd known what he'd asked... She just couldn't bring herself to tell him how obsessed with him she truly was. And... if she _did _spill her feelings to him, how would he react?

Although, he probably already knew how she felt, otherwise he wouldn't be even attempting to ask questions like that.

Why was he even bothered about who she liked anyway?

"Nope..." she lied, gasping in surprise when he let out a genuinely amused laugh, one that was likeable rather than his other vicious, homicidal cackles that he usually let out of his evil lungs.

He leaned in closer to her skin again, pressing his lips to her neck. His slender crystalline fingers were holding her waist firmly in place, his thumbs kneading into her now again to administer a touch of pain, but not so much that she wanted to shove him off. "I'll ask again..." Joker whispered, peppering her neck with hot wet pecks; she moaned at his actions, her hands gripping into his shoulders. "Do you like anyone Harley?"

_"Yes."_

Reverse psychiatry.

The_ patient _asks the question. The _doctor_ doesn't give the answer. The patient digs into their doctor, usually by bringing up family life... but this was an extreme case, using love to prise an answer out of them.

Now he'd got his reply, he thought a little more elaboration was in order.

"Ohhh you do hm?"

_"Yes."_

He began to trail his lips up to her jaw, his hands slowly sliding from her middle to caress her lower back in a strong, tense fashion.

"Who is the lucky fella then?" he mumbled lowly, beginning to realize that he'd actually become distracted by her. _'Come on J! Stick to the plan!' _he thought, mentally beating himself up. _'Forget seducing the dame! Grab the I.D card from the front of her lab coat and get the heck out of here!' _

_'But... She's so _gorgeous_... Why, when I'm about to escape from this place, does the best looking woman now fall to my feet, hm? Why _now_?!'_

"They're in this place actually."

"Really?"

"Yea... You might now 'em actually."

He quirked an eyebrow, one hand leaving her back in order for his thumb to tip her chin, angling her mouth towards his. Her bright blue eyes now had no way of escaping from his evil yet enchanting eyes; they were so accusing, so knowing... yet so addictive to gaze into. She felt like she could lose herself in his insanity - his eyes were the only door to his true madness, other than his ego and his actions.

"I know most folks 'round here." Joker commented in a cocky way, flashing her a suggestive grin. "But saying that... I'm still not accepted. I mean, I think I'm the _teacher's pet_ of Arkham actually... I feel like I'm receiving more special treatment from my doc than - "

"You _are _special Joker."

He opened his mouth to abuse her for cutting him off but then closed it, regarding what she'd said.

_'Hey! J! Thinking of getting the hell out anytime soon?'_

_'Oh shut the hell up! There's no way I'm leaving here without Harley!'_

_'Yeah well... If you _did _leave without her, you could always give her a little "visit" and you could make a little public stunt by doing so...'_

_'But... I could do that if I _did _leave with her anyway...'_

He mentally grinned, internally complimenting himself because of his genius.

"Most people can't see it," Harley said quietly, feeling his head drop lightly and nuzzle into her collarbone. "But_ I_ do. You're a one off. You're a physical and mental fascination... a walking puzzle. You're a riddle that even _The Riddler _can't solve!"

_'Oh please don't! I'm blushing! Oh I think I had better keep this one for sure! She spits out more compliments than I can actually think of to flatter myself with in a day!'_

"If you haven't guessed it yet, Joker, it's _you _that I love. It's your demeanour and lifestyle that makes my heart race, that makes my brain do cartwheels and that makes my stomach do back flips!"

_'So clever with her words too... Although, I guess that could get on my nerves if it was all the time... Well, I could always stop her from doing that...'_

"I love you Joker! And if you ever dream of breaking out of this god damn dog house, I'm coming with you!"

_'Wow. I've hardly even begun to manipulate her into breaking me out of this hell hole but... well, I must have tugged on her heart strings more than I thought - hahahaha!'_

His eyes had glazed over with thought and possible intoxication from her close proximity. Harley noticed and addressed him, waving her hand in front of his eye line.

"Heelloooo?!"

"_Huh_? Oh..."

Joker looked at Harley blankly, and she just stared in hope at him, wondering what he was thinking about in that mind boggling head of his.

"So... _you love_ _me_?"

"_Yes..._ So much that I can't put it into words."

"Oh good, so then you wouldn't mind me doing this."

She frowned in confusion, opening her mouth to ask 'What?', but then received her response in the form of an opened mouth kiss from her patient - who was now her definite soul mate; the only one who had captured her heart without really having to try.

Shaking off her apprehensive surprise, she clamped her eyes shut and cupped his chin in her palms.

So lost in the moment, Harley didn't notice the trickery and the quick sleight of hand Joker had; She just moaned when his hand slid over her right breast, thinking that it was just another heated action to pleasure her...

It wasn't.

Opening his eyes for a split second, the Joker flipped the laminated card between his fingers as his hand left her chest, the I.D card vanishing into what seemed to be thin air.

Magic tricks. He loved them.

He left her lips, just so that he could show her his trademark grin; She giggled at him, stroking a hand down one of his cheeks.

"Are you sure you'd really leave with me if I was breaking out?"

"Yep."

"Really?! I mean _really _really?!"

_"Yea!"_

"Okay..."

He smirked, feeling her hands now rubbing his chest.

"And what if I said that I'm getting out of here - _today_?"

Her eyes widened.

"_Are_ you?"

"Well... I can't say _yes _because that wouldn't be entirely true. _I'm _not getting out of here..."

He leaned closer to her lips, placing a hand on her head, just behind her ear. He kissed her and then pulled away before she could react, earning a large gasp from her when he made her I.D card magically reappear from behind her ear.

"_We _are."

"My I.D! But then I... won't be able to come back to work if we use that to get you out!"

He rolled his eyes, "Duhh! Obviously! Come on Doll Face! You're smarter than that!"

"So you want to get out of here today? _When?"_

"Ehhhh I don't know. _Now_?!"

"Now?! B-But, what do I do?" she stammered, now beginning to realize what she'd just gotten herself into.

"Say that you need a break to get something, go to your locker as normal - "

"But how do you know that I would go to my locker as 'normal', I might not..."

"So... you never noticed that I've been breaking out of my cell whenever I can, just to stalk you on your breaks then?"

She was quiet. But she didn't look too creeped out.

"Good. So, you go to your locker as normal, but this time after looking in your mirror and fixing your gorgeous mug, you grab your bag and you _do not _forget your car keys. The whole plan would be ruined if you did."

She nodded, letting out a shaky breath. _No pressure._

"When you arrive, take off your lab coat and put on your usual jacket that I see you leaving work in - " Wow. He _had _been doing his homework. " - and drop the lab coat on the floor, make sure it looks accidental and do it nearest to the other side of the corridor as possible."

He paused, frowning as he thought of what he'd missed. Lab coat, bag, keys, I.D...

"Oh and another thing Sweets, don't worry about the cameras. Show them everything you're doing. Make sure you're acting this out like you're a programmed robot - big movements for our waiting audience."

Was this a break out plan? Or a _drama lesson?!_

Harley didn't care, it sounded fun already! Though, she still had a worried look on her face so Joker couldn't tell, she truly was excited about this devilish escape scheme.

"Now before we begin," Joker said with a smile, moving a leg to silently tell her to get off him; she reluctantly obliged, eyes shining with curiosity. "I'm going to eat this now _freezing _slab of lunch, and you're going to eat yours too."

"Uhh... I'm not actually that hungry - "

"_You're going to eat it!_ I don't know when we'll next have food, so neck it as fast as you can."

She sighed.

Well...

_He _was_ an expert in this sort of thing after all..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Shotgun Serenade**

**5. Gentlemen**

Harley left Joker in her office, telling the guards outside that she needed something from her locker. They nodded; they were used to her habitual activity and thought nothing of it.

When she reached the locker corridor, she did her usual routine, taking out a water bottle and drinking from it. Next she looked at herself in the mirror and routed around her leather handbag for her lipstick and mascara. The dark red lipstick was applied first, her eyes watching the corner of the mirror, where the ward's exit was, which was guarded by a strongly built man.

Joker hadn't explained anything to her about if they got caught - Maybe he knew they wouldn't? His escape plan was exceptionally intricate and fool proof on an intellectual level - she was proud of him for coming up with it.

Next she fixed her eye makeup, chucking the mascara into her handbag when she was done. She felt around the pockets inside the bag, checking her Cadillac's keys were inside - they were. She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from doing a smug smile.

She yawned, casually taking off her white lab coat, sneakily removing the I.D from the chest pocket before she let it drift to the marble floor on the opposite side of the corridor.

Harley shrugged on her usual suit-type jacket over her plain t-shirt. She rolled up her sleeves, since she needed to keep her eye on the time as she left the ward - it would be annoying if she hadn't worn her watch today.

Next, with her I.D neatly tucked between her fingers in a subtle fashion, she slung her handbag over her shoulder, innocently forgetting about the lab coat behind her as she slammed her locker shut. She sauntered out of the locker corridor and paused before turning the corner, bracing herself for the encounter with the guard. _'Just remember your short course in gymnastics and martial arts...' _she told herself, blinking when she remembered that she _could _indeed knock this huge, gargantuan guard out.

Harley smirked, holding the devious smile as she swayed her hips over to the guard.

Suddenly she felt like she'd found herself.

Maybe a life of adrenaline and crime was meant for her?

Before the man could question her, she jumped up and drop-kicked him in the chin - it must have been even more painful due to her high heeled boots; he was sent flying back into the glass behind him, slumping down in front of the clear door. Ruby blood dribbled out of his mouth and trailed down to his neck - his jaw was most likely dislocated at the very _least..._

Harley squealed, dragging her closed fist down through the air in celebration.

"Yesss!"

Before she could compliment herself, she heard the heavy footsteps of someone running from behind her; these sounds were followed by a harmony of alarms ringing out, and the shouts of guards or patients crying out that someone was 'escaping, escaping!'

She gasped as she heard the skidding of rubber soles and she turned around.

The escapee bumped right into her, cursing her as a 'dumb broad' before snatching hold of her hand and kicking the guard out of the way of the exit.

Harley squeaked as he yanked her forward. She flipped the I.D card in slippery fingers and lifted it up between finger and thumb, swiping it in the scanner. The LED light beneath it lit up green and automatically opened the glass door. The Joker giggled and clutched her wrist, dragging her out of the door before she could protest about how fierce his grip was.

They both began to sprint over the grassy land outside the Asylum, heading for the staff car park. Harley's heart was beating so hard against her ribcage that she thought that her bones would collapse because of it, yet she adored the feeling of excitement mixed with absolute terror for the situation she was in.

And it was all thanks to the Joker.

The grounds were surrounded by barbed wire fencing, meaning that somehow they would have to climb over it to reach the black Eldorado in the parking lot outside the Asylum grounds (they had to bear in mind that the Asylum would soon be in lockdown too). Soon, the couple reached this particular fence and Harley was panting furiously, pausing as Joker grinned at her, not a single tired breath leaving him.

Seriously, he wasn't even a tiny bit out of breath after that three-hundred metre sprint?!

"Which car's yours?" he asked, grabbing both of her wrists and probably leaving red marks from his intense grip.

"The... El - Eldorado - " she replied breathlessly, yet she instantly found her breath again when he lifted her up and threw her up onto his back; she gasped in a rush of thick humid air.

"Ooh a _Cadillac_. Now I'm jealous! Old fashioned but I like it." Joker mused, winking at her over his shoulder and then laughing as his slender fingers curled to form claws. Harley clung to his back for dear life as he launched them onto the mesh fence; her eyes were staring up at the lethal barbed wire at the top, which was ever growing closer as the Joker climbed higher, grin still glued onto his face.

She had to admit, although she was terrified of what awaited the two of them at the top of the fence... she couldn't help noticing that Joker was stronger than he looked! He was so tall and slim (not exactly stick thin, but he was thinner than the Batman's other infamous villains, especially _Penguin..._), she was confused at how he was able to lift her up like a feather... Maybe he worked out?

She was blushing now, realizing that thinking about whether he had a good torso under the scientist lab coat and orange overalls really _wasn't _assisting her situation whatsoever.

The barbed wire was so close now, that even the Joker began to shrink his grin a little.

He slowed down, pausing when the wire was right in front of his face. He lifted a hand up to reach the highest mesh diamond and brushed the edge of the barbed stuff as a consequence, a bloody gash now over the top of his hand. Harley gasped, looking at the red liquid slowly rippling out of the open wound, noticing that his veins seemed to look even bluer than any other ordinary person... Maybe it was the paleness of his skin... or maybe he used to be a junkie...

"Oh my god!" she cried, feeling faint at the sight.

He rolled his eyes, "Get over it Doll Face, we've got bigger problems..."

His bloodied hand removed itself from the fence, a red stained finger pointing down towards the bottom of the fence. Her eyes followed the direction his finger pointed in...

A few guards were calling up to them both, tasers and tranquilizer guns in their hands. In the distance they could hear the rough, harsh barks of dogs and the scampering of running guards... or police. It felt like it was night from the dim sky above them, but in actual fact it was just after midday, meaning that less guards would be around... or so Joker had thought.

"W-What do we do?" Harley whispered, her body shaking against his.

"Just hold onto me, Sugar Bumps, just hold on..."

She did as he said, squeezing her eyes shut when she felt the fence wobble as more weight was added to it. Joker looked away from her, the scheming grin back on his face; he knew there was a guard beginning to climb the fence and waited patiently, feeling the flimsy mesh quake every now and then.

"Stop this Joker!" the guard cried pathetically, almost reaching the escaped patient. "It's not fair putting Dr Quinzel through this too!"

Joker didn't move, nor did he turn his attention to the guard who was now by his side, giving him a pleading look. The guard held out his hand, noticing the grin falling from the villain's face; his face fell into a sorrowful shame when he finally realized what he'd done.

"Please Joker."

He turned his green eyes onto the pathetic man, the mock sadness in them now warping into pure evil.

And the grin spread onto his face.

"Why, since you said _please..."_

The Joker took one hand from the fence and latched onto the guard's arm, not letting go - he just dug his nails deeply into the guard's armour, the sharp grip needling through to his soft flesh.

The guard screamed out in pain, causing Harley to open her eyes and smile lightly. She was beginning to almost... _enjoy _his evil.

"Ahahahahahahaha!"

"Please Joker! Don't do this!"

"Oh, why ever not? Is it _hurting _you? That's too bad..."

"Please damn it_! Lemme go!_"

He stopped laughing, raising an eyebrow.

"_Sure_."

He allowed his hand to let go of the guard's arm, making him fall down slightly. The guard screamed and his eyes rolled down to look at the ground which was zooming closer to him... Until it stopped.

The Joker caught hold of the bottom of the man's neck, fingers squeezing tightly around the thick tree trunk airway.

A gathering of guards were below the scene, all of them watching in shock and fright as they observed what was happening in front of them. The GCPD were nearing the group, all of them slowing down in horror once they saw who it was escaping.

Joker grinned, taking one look down at the goodies on the ground, loosening his grip. The man yelped and slid down through Joker's hand. The crowd gasped in unison, only feeling foolish when Joker caught the top of the man's neck this time and erupted with maniacal laughter.

Harley wasn't shocked like she felt she should've been, and instead found herself smirking into the Joker's back, hiding her true feelings on the matter.

"Ahaha! You didn't think I was actually going to _drop _him did you?!" he shouted down at the crowd joyously, cackling as the response was silent. "I mean how could you think I was capable of such a - "

The man was flung up into the air with the Joker's single hand, the screaming guard flailing his arms as he went soaring into the sky, quickly landing on the barbed wire just above the escapee's head.

"And _that, _gentlemen, is how to leave Arkham Asylum with a _bang!"_

Joker giggled and climbed over the now impaled guard, who was dead and lying flat over the barbed wire. He managed to hop onto his two feet, his arms holding onto Harley behind him out of instinct. He was still chuckling, trying to hide his surprise when he felt his Harley sniggering silently into his back.

Without another clever comment, just incessant giggles, the Joker leaped from the impaled guard, causing a riot-like roar to come from the crowd of cops and guards.

He bent his knees when the soles of his Doc Martens hit the tarmac of the parking lot. He coolly swivelled back around to face the outraged men, bowing now that his show had come to an end.

"Until next time _gentlemen_..."

He faced the opposite direction and held onto Harley again, running like the wind even with another person on his back.

They weren't bad as a double act actually... Now that Joker was beginning to relay the events of this escape, he quite enjoyed being in a sticky, dangerous situation with her... She made it seem more... _fun. _Even when she hadn't really had much to do, just her secretly laughing when he was winding up the authorities had made it for him.

_She got his jokes._

He smirked to himself, eyes now searching for the black Cadillac. It wasn't that hard to find... it was a unique car compared to all the other crap shack's that the other Asylum workers drove.

_She had style._

The Cadillac was parked in the corner of the parking lot, luckily fairly close to the exit barrier. He slowed down and let go of her; her body that had been apparently pressed into him in a risqué manner, gently slid off his back, her two little feet hitting the ground as she landed.

She emptied her bag onto the ground, snatching up the keys and walking around to the driver's side...

"Whoa whoa _whoa!_" Joker exclaimed loudly, briskly strutting towards her with his hands out by his sides. "What the _hell _do you think you're doing?! Can _you_ drive recklessly?! I don't think so baby! Now gimme the keys!"

Harley sighed and threw the keys, he caught them in one swift action.

Well, he had a point. She was a pretty crap driver, she found it hard to drive in a _straight line _for god's sake. Hold on... Had he _guessed _that she was shit at driving?! Wow. He _was _good.

She quickly jogged around to the other side of the car, forgetting her makeup that was abandoned on the tarmac. Joker was already inside the Eldorado, in his element when he fired the engine up.

She opened the door and hopped inside, taking off her jacket before slamming the door shut.

"I wonder why I never stole one of these..." he murmured, causing her to laugh at his little boy expression when he looked over the car's interior.

He turned to her with both hands on the steering wheel, grinning inanely.

"Ready?" he asked huskily, eyes now displaying something close to an admiration of her.

"Yes," she replied, leaning closer to him.

He studied her eyes, glaring in fascination of how she could be attracted to him... not that he would say that he _wasn't _attractive, because he thought he was, it's just no one ever saw it.

Well... until now.

Her lips brushed his, like it was the first time they'd ever even attempted to kiss... but now... the feeling was different, like something had conjured up inside of him and suddenly, he feared it.

For once, he _feared_ something.

Her lips began to tease his and before she could do anything more, he winced and turned his head away, facing the rest of the parking lot in front of him.

Harley blinked in confusion and sat back in her seat, frowning in hurtful rejection.

Without another word, the Joker grinned and stepped on the gas, the car rumbling through the free aisle between the long row of cars; and then the Cadillac revved some more and smashed through the automatic barrier.

Harley laughed at his reckless driving, suddenly dropping her grudge about him rejecting her kiss.

With the Joker, she could never be mad at him forever...

She knew he would always make it up to her in the end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shotgun Serenade**

"Where are we gonna go?" Harley asked, eyes wandering about over the blurred surroundings they went past.

It had been about half an hour since Harley had first gone to her locker, but to the two of them in the car, it had only felt like five minutes. She hated to say it, but she loved the rush she got out of what they were doing...

Joker shrugged, grinning when he turned the wheel to the left and cut up another pissed off driver. The driver made an angry fist and shook it out of the driver window. The car behind them sped up and sounded its horn.

"What's so funny?" she asked with a smile, as his laughter swooped around her.

_"Your -_ hahahahahaha - _apartment."_ he laughed out, abruptly turning off into another lane and joining the Gotham Expressway, finding the situation far too amusing.

"Excuse me?! By the way, I really need to go - "

"Sorry I missed the services back there, you'll just have to wait until we get to your place. Sorry 'bout this Sweets but you're either gonna have to crap in a bag here, or hold it in until you erupt like Vesuvius!"

He giggled hysterically at his joke, and she managed a laugh too; Harley relayed their escape in her mind over and over again, always wondering how quickly the situation had escalated; first she'd admitted her love for him and then the next minute, she was clinging to the back of him as he sprinted over the car park with escape sirens and angry cries bellowing after them... and then she'd actually stuck with him!

And... he hadn't told her to get lost or actually killed her yet either. Which she had been half expecting him to do.

... He could still do it.

"_Wait!_ So we're going to my penthouse apartment?!"

"Yep Sugar, we sure are. Unless... you'd rather be in that smelly, trash filled dumpster in the East End... ?" he propositioned darkly, veering his gaze on her rather than watching the motorway in front of him.

For once she felt scared by him, but she still kind of liked it...

"Umm... no thanks. I think my apartment's good."

He nodded and gave her a wink, focusing back on the road ahead. He slammed his boot onto the accelerator and whizzed past every car or truck in the most precarious, dangerous way possible.

Yet the car always managed to survive. He was so recklessly lucky.

Harley began to notice that he'd not really looked at her much during the time they'd been travelling from Arkham... She was deep in thought when he wasn't talking to her, pondering on whether he loved her back...

Sure, she'd admitted _her_ feelings. But he'd never said anything _remotely_ similar back... Maybe he just wanted to break out, have a quickie and then get back on with his villainous schemes; And then, that would mean Harley would probably end up in Arkham herself for assisting a laughing psychopath to escape, while losing her marbles by doing so.

_"Sweets?"_ Joker piped up, lifting his eyebrows at her like he was slightly concerned over something. "If there's a little blue light flashing next to the fuel gage that means it's got plenty of gas, _right?!"_

She shook her head. "Nope. _Empty._"

Both their eyes widened as the car began to slow down slightly.

_"Shit." _they hissed in unison.

Luckily, since Joker was a reckless yet (well, sometimes) lucky guy, the two of them soon rolled into the nearest fuel station, with only a smidgen of diesel left in the tank.

Harley took off her seatbelt and turned to open the car door.

"Uh uh _uh!"_

Joker grabbed her side and pulled her back to face him, face close to hers.

"I haven't told you any of my rules yet, _but_ this is hardly the time for boring rules so... Here's today's plan of action, which is something we'll need for every little thing we do in public."

Harley stayed quiet, letting out a shaky breath when he let go of her side and smiled that sly, snide grin. He was still so _so _close.

"Okay so here's the plan for gas stations from now on: You fill up the tank, in the sweetest normal way possible - though you are sweet anyway so we shouldn't have a problem with _that_ - and give the nozzle a tap three times inside the tank to show me that it's full. Then, after the third tap, I'll get out and casually stroll into the station store. As I'm doing this, you will have climbed into the boot of the car for your own protection... and of course to jump out at any curious ass kissers that walk past, eh, you never know what busybodies are out Pumpkin!"

Harley leaned in and gave him a hug, nuzzling into his chest. He raised a brow and let her embrace him, but was a little too tightly trapped to actually free his own arms to do the same thing back.

"Ya so clever Joker, ya know that?" she squealed, giggling into his orange overalls and her science lab coat.

"Ha! Of course I do you dumb blonde! And... don't call me by my full name baby, it doesn't suit you to say that."

"Hm. Okay, I guess I'll have to think of sump'in when you get back from the store then, huh?"

He grinned, edges of his red stained mouth reaching each of his ears.

"Yes Harl, yes you will! Or... _dumpster..."_

Joker laughed evilly and shooed her out of the car, insisting that she did everything quickly, but not so fast that she didn't keep to the plan. While she filled the tank with gas, Joker decided to take a closer look around the inside of the car.

He opened the dashboard's compartment, making curious 'Ooh's and Ah's' when his eyes laid upon each thing inside. There were some cigarettes, a packet of gum, a mirror (presumably for makeup) and some music tapes from the eighties or nineties (since the Cadillac had a tape player rather than a CD or iPod dock).

He narrowed his eyes and shoved everything he found into the pockets of the lab coat, slamming the plastic door shut before Harley opened the door to get back inside.

"Won't be long Doll Face, and... get in _the boot _before I tie you up and shove you in there myself!"

She gasped and nodded, doing as he said immediately.

She groaned as she opened her boot and collapsed inside the cramped area, lifting her arm up to close the lid on herself. It was dark inside, and smelled of antique furniture, mixed with the scent of aftershave. Well, at least the aftershave part smelt okay...

When her eyes and body began to adjust to the darkness inside there, and the claustrophobic area she was now crammed into; a series of horrified screams rang out from the surrounding scene around the car. She swore she heard someone praying for mercy before she heard a loud thud, like the sound of a heavy body hitting the concrete ground.

Harley closed her eyes, finding that doing this was helping her to focus on listening.

Cars, trucks and vans were revving up all at the same time, screeching away at a rushed pace whilst the sound of running footsteps was delicately somewhere in the background.

She held a hand over her mouth to stop herself giggling.

Is this what happened when Joker went anywhere?!

She was beginning to enjoy visiting the gas station now... and anywhere to be honest, because normal, boring things, would now be a lot more different and fun now the world's most threatening villain was her love interest... Not that, he probably saw himself that way.

Harley sighed, telepathically sending him a "Hurry Up" and wishing that she could climb out of the storage space soon, her knees were beginning to cramp up.

Like he'd heard her, the sound of his boots pounding the floor as he jogged over to her were heard as a blood curdling scream was let out from a way away.

Light flooded the boot and she shouted in protest, shielding her eyes and skin like a vampire. She felt dizzy and tired, struggling to open her eyes.

"Relax Sweets," Harley heard her Joker whisper, firm yet pleasing hands clutching onto her jacket to pull her up into a sitting position. "I need you to slump your shoulders."

She groaned and did as he said.

"Good girl. Now I have to say, that this is a _rarity_ for me, so you're in for a _treat!" _he said joyously, with the most inhuman enthusiasm ever. "I'm going to give you a pre-emptive _apology_ for what I'm about to do, because I know you'll probably want to chop a certain part of me off for me doing this to you but... There's no other way I can do this, if I don't there's no way we'll be together Pumpkin."

Harley made a 'huh?!' noise and grumbled something incomprehensible to him, which he clearly ignored.

"I'm sorry Pumpkin Pie..."

The next Harley felt was a stabbing ache in her neck, the feel of the cold metal needle piercing into her clear white skin. Her vision became blurred until finally she was in total darkness, like the lid of the boot had been shut again.

Her muscles had gone limp and felt like they were clumps of coal with nothing to shovel them up.

Yet, even though in her mind she was scared in her now dream-like state, of what would come after this...

She knew that she would not be dead, for she could feel and hear the only muscle that hadn't gone limp...

Her heart.

It was kicking and thumping in her chest as normal, just at the usual sleeping rate that she always had whenever she was relaxed.

She wondered why Joker had done this... Drugged her in order for the two of them to be together? Ha, like that made sense. It was nonsense, just like Joker was... and for that reason she let go of her worry, feeling her brain feel lighter and calmer because of the loss of another burden.

As much as she hated the fact he'd manipulated her into getting into the boot, so that he could stick a tranquilizer in her neck... she couldn't stay mad at him.

Well, it could've been worse right?

She'd could've ended up dead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Shotgun Serenade**

**7. Morning**

Her eyes were closed, her body still, heavy and frozen cold. Her eyes slowly unveiled the world of her bedroom's coffee covered walls and cheap second hand furniture. A strange smell of aniseed and antiseptic hit her, making her gag and then cough at the strong waft swirling around the whole of the room.

Harley groaned, feeling her muscles relax out of the fearful tension they had been in, allowing her to lift her body up in a sitting position against the pillows behind her.

Her vision was sharper... she must have slept for a while longer than her usual. By the looks of it, it was early morning. She knew this from the bright strips of yellowed light bursting through the small gaps in her office blinds.

She frowned, attempting to recall how she got here.

Clearly she _wasn't meant to_ ... She couldn't remember anything before, other than feeling something jamming into her neck and then... nothing. Just sleep.

She moaned, eyes laying on something green and rectangular by the bedside table to her right. A look of confusion passed over her, and then she scrambled over the messy covers, fighting her way to the other side of her bed, dizziness still flooding her as a mental obstacle.

"Wait a minute..." she whispered, glaring at the tank top and little shorts she was wearing. "These aren't my pyjamas!"

Ignoring this disturbing note, she carried on and grabbed the neon green card. It reminded her of something... yet she couldn't place what. She brought the note right in front of her sharp gaze.

_It's a shame you were knocked out, so you never heard my goodbye... But who cares? I'll probably see you 'round soon enough. Also, you're probably wondering why you're here... Well let's just say the GCPD have gone to Las Vegas because y'know... that's where _everyone _goes when they escape any kind of prison, _ha_! So they won't expect you to be here, so you're safe for now (just mind the so-called guards by the main doors on the ground floor). Take care, and kill anyone that finds you in here (apart from me, _duh_!) I'm sure we'll be together again sooner than you think Harls. _

_~ J_

Well... it was the longest note she'd ever gotten... Usually she just had notes saying 'buy some milk - Selina'... Oh wait, there was a little more.

_P.s. Harls, you couldn't be a doll and burn this too could you? Y'know... hard evidence and all that jazz. ;)_

She sighed and decided to go get her lighter.

She yawned, clinging to the note and reading it over again. Somehow, she found it kind of romantic... in a weird way, it _was. _She let out a little giggle and then opened her door, skipping into the main part of her apartment, humming as she hopped through to the kitchen area.

Her red lighter was there on the table top, just where she'd left it.

She flicked it, watching sparks fly as she began to get a lit flame. Hummed television voices came from the living room area, making her stop and give out a silent gasp.

Why was the TV on?! She hadn't - and Joker wouldn't be here... so someone must have broken in.

_"Shit..."_ she whispered, realizing the flame had now reached the green note, making the piece of card curl as it withered into nothing but remnants of black ash.

She flipped the lid back onto her lighter and quietly, carefully dropped it back onto her table's surface. Out of not knowing what to do, she decided to grab a couple of knives, two in each of her hands. She wasn't sure what she was going to do... She didn't feel like killing them, so... she didn't know why she was doing this.

Harley took a deep breath and padded towards where her leather couch was, noticing some black and white spats covering some feet at the bottom of the sofa.

Well... whoever this was, this was no police officer... no cop would wear something... _cool _like that.

Her curiosity grew and she felt her legs move quicker to see who it was.

It was when she saw that above the cool shoes, was the start of a smart, purple trouser, that she began to get giddy, for now she knew this couldn't possibly be any other.

The knives just fell out of her hands.

She squeaked and did a running jump, launching herself over the sofa to land on the Joker, who grumbled as she'd hit him hard.

"Hello_!_" he greeted, losing his annoyance and plastering his grin on when she hugged him tightly.

She let him go to look him down... "Wow..."

To match his smart purple trousers, he had a suit jacket in the same style. A light green shirt was beneath this, which was topped off by a dark green bow. Her eyes landed on the hair on his head... it was no longer wild and tussled, it was slicked back in an attractive, stylish manner, that made Harley want to just kiss him over and over...

Most people were _scared _by this man. Yet here she was, cuddling him and giggling when he said, "So I _still_ don't get a _hello?!"_

_Oh the irony._

"Sorry Mistah J... I'm just so - "

"_What?!_ What did you just say?" he asked enthusiastically, grinning wildly.

"I'm just so - "

"Before that."

"Sorry?"

_"After _that."

"Oh... _M-Mistah J?_"

He chuckled, tilting her chin so that she was brushing her lips over his.

_"Perfect..." _he said, smiling against her mouth when she gave out a little giggle. "Looks like I won't be needing that East End dumpster after all."

"So... you're sure we're safe here?"

"Yep Doll Face! Safe and sound ... _for now. _I think we'd better make a move tonight and... oh, by the way, about your car, I think it's crap so I'm getting you a new one."

"What?! But you _loved _that car!"

"Yea, I _did. 'Did' _being past tense means that we need to move on baby! I mean... I've already stolen a new one anyway."

"You have?! When?"

"Last night."

"Wow... you _are _quick."

The breaking news theme from the TV interrupted them, both sets of eyes landing on the flashing screen. It was showing some amateur film of the break out at Arkham, with a still picture of Joker and another of Harley on one side of the screen.

The Joker giggled, squeezing his arms tightly around her as he watched in excitement.

"Look honey! We're on _TV!"_

Harley laughed, stopping when she realized that the footage was cut off just before Joker had impaled the guard. Well that was disappointing. She'd kinda wanted to see that again.

_"We have a link to the head of GCPD, Commissioner Gordon, who is now live from Arkham Asylum to speak directly to you..."_

The camera switched to Gordon, who looked extremely serious as he thanked the reporter and began the story of the notorious Joker's escape, standing behind some kind of political podium as he mumbled into the different channels' microphones.

"I swear, every time I see this guy he gets _happier_ by the second!" Joker exclaimed, laughing hysterically at the stern line for a mouth on police chief's face. "Y'know the last time I saw_ him_ he had a _moustache_... And guess what? I made fun of it. And now look! That exact furry caterpillar is gone..."

He paused, abruptly pushing Harley off him (she cursed and flipped over to land on the couch again, which hurt and made her frown) to stand up and hug the TV in a snide mocking manner. He placed a hand on the screen, like he was cupping Gordon's face in a caring way and prodded the bare upper lip of the man with one bony finger.

"Aw he must really care about my opinion... _Shucks,_ I'm flattered Gordon but..."

Joker turned away from the screen, grinning deviously towards the blonde on the couch, who was holding one pale leg up in the air and twisting a curl around one slender finger; she knew his attention was on her now, and she was deliberately acting oblivious because she could see it was driving him crazier.

"... I'm with someone else now. I know that internally, your heart bleeds... but you and I are now _through_ Gordon! And besides... she's a hot blonde who is surprisingly good at kicking butt... And not even you could compete with that Gordie."

His sentences were slowing down, like he was really choosing his words carefully and as he did this, he was stalking closer to her, nonchalantly.

"... Sure, to you and the outside world, I'm taking her hostage and forcing her into a mental prison, where I can get inside her thoughts to torture her 'til she's insane with a self-hatred and bears a violent grudge against the world..."

Harley's blue eyes flicked to his, hypnotised by that mad green that oscillated within them. She thought she would have grown sick and tired of seeing them by now, yet every time she gazed into them, it was like the whole colour and insanity was brand new to her.

"But in all honesty, I'm not doing _any_ of those things. She _chose_ to come with me. She _chose_ to listen instead of asking incessant patronizing questions - "

"Oh shut up an' kiss me will ya!" she yelled like a toddler, yelping in surprise when he growled in irritation and yanked her by the strap of her tank top so that their lips crashed together. His hands wrapped tightly around the base of her neck, the pain and pleasure mixing together and creating the most whimsical feeling for Harley.

She was so astounded by what she was feeling, that she was almost unable to reply back, yet somehow, she managed to push her moist mouth in response to him. He encouraged her by parting his lips, noticing she was being too slow for his liking.

The front doors being rattled made the two of them jump away from one another like it was a crime - in a way ... it kind of was.

He stared blankly at her. And she stared back.

"Well?" Joker asked expectantly, shifting his eyes towards the pathway to the front door.

"Well what?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Go and answer it."

Harley narrowed her eyes and pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Anndddd why can't you Mr J?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Because... hmm... let's see... I'm the number one _most wanted_ and that's more than likely a GCPD officer at the door. Come _on_ Harl!"

Huffing she turned and made her way to the door, Joker creeping a few metres behind her and hiding in the doorway, just peeking out enough so he could see and keep himself hidden at the same time.

He saw Harley open the door and greet someone... From the sound of the voice he guessed it was a cop... just the general tone gave them away. They were all the same.

After mumbles from the cop and solemn nods or negative nods from Harley, she shut the door, sprinting down the hall and hugging her Joker to check he was still there.

"We have to leave," she mumbled into his chest, not even caring that he wasn't even hugging her back. "We have to leave now."

Through a mock surprise, he couldn't help smiling - and thank god she didn't lift up her head, or she would've seen that manipulative grin.

"Really?!" he said in that fake, concerned tone that she would never know wasn't real. "But _Pumpkin Pie_... Why so _soon_?"

The grin spread wider.

As if _he_ didn't know.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shotgun Serenade**

**8. Celebrity**

"_Get in_." Joker called as the car's window slid down. Feeling she didn't have much choice, Harley smiled and entered the car... she wasn't sure what this new vehicle was but it was small and kind of ancient so... it would probably go fast.

Slamming the door, she chucked her suitcase into the back, jumping as he accelerated out of the car park beside her apartment block.

"So ... where are we going?" she asked, blue eyes wide as she peered out at the dreary Gotham streets as they passed them by in a furious blur. He didn't answer and didn't even look her way, he just focused on the highway ahead, keeping his emerald eyes peeled for any cops around the vicinity.

Harley huffed out a frustrated sigh and crossed over her arms, avoiding any eye contact with him.

"I'm not telling you Harl," he finally spoke, glancing towards her and then back to the road. "I mean, where would the fun be in _that_?"

She shifted uncomfortably, feeling freezing all of sudden. Maybe running away with her patient ... _was _way over the limit for her? But... she couldn't really tell him that she had changed her mind now... After all, that dumpster wouldn't be too far away...

"They'll be looking for me." she muttered worriedly, catching a glimpse of a black and white cop car in her wing mirror. Joker heard her perfectly, taking a long piercing stare at her, corners of his mouth lifting a little.

"Of course they will!" he exclaimed, taking a slender fingered hand off of the steering wheel. "And if we'd stayed at your apartment a moment longer ... we'd be back in the place where we first met!" He let out a chuckle.

She smiled, but she frowned at him in confusion. Then... why did he take her with him? Usually if he used someone, he'd leave them to clean up the mess... after all he didn't want a useless soul lugging around him.

But he'd let _her_ tag along...

Pondering this thought, she stared out of the window again, clearly taking Joker by surprise. She'd been chattering excitedly until now... Something was bothering her, and if he was the source of this 'bother', he would definitely humour her.

He turned on the radio, and then went back to driving.

Normally he didn't mind silence. However with Harley, he couldn't stand the silence - it was wrong, the two of them should have been talking, yet neither of them took a single glance at each other.

Joker was just glad that they only had a few blocks left until they reached their destination.

Braking heavily and not particularly caring about whether he'd startled Harley in doing so, he turned off the engine, taking a small glance out of the window - his eyes landed on a tall skyscraper building, about seven or eight storeys high. Smiling, he turned back to her, seemingly missing the annoyed glare on her face.

"We're here Sweets!" he announced, grinning. "_But... _I can't just _take_ you in, _sooo _I'm gonna have to ... '_kidnap you'..."_

He giggled a bit and from pretty much nowhere, revealed a glossy black revolver in his pale hand, pointing it at her. Harley gasped and her eyes widened...

_'What? What the hell?!'_

"I-Is it loaded?" she stammered, hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and he cocked the gun.

"Well... it is _now_!"

She shivered, she knew he was only doing this to make her real fear show... after all, it _would _look more realistic so people wouldn't notice that... well, she didn't really know _what_ he was planning on doing with her. But still... he didn't have to go and actually load the damn gun, did he?

She let out an uncomfortable noise as he hit her arm with the end of the metal revolver. "_Get out then!"_ he almost shouted, keeping the classic lurid smile on his red lips.

Harley scrambled her way out of the car, slamming the door shut... amazed when she looked over at Joker's side of the car to see him standing there already, pointing his weapon at her. Joker jolted the gun to her left a little, she followed the gun's direction and met him on the other side of the car.

He wrapped an arm around her neck, pulling her into him and pressing the gun against her throat.

Just for _show_?! He was _enjoying_ this!

His body weight leaned against her and she toppled forwards, and soon they were crossing the road like this... Joker shoving, Harley falling. Automatic doors opened as they reached the modern building, a long, blank walled lobby awaiting before them.

Joker was still pushing her, arm still securely snaked around her throat. No one else was around as they reached the end of the cream corridor, and they stood in front of a chrome coloured elevator.

"Press the button, _Pumpkin_," he whispered almost sweetly, which made her weirdly smile even though he was nearing strangulation on her. She swiftly lifted one arm and used her thumb to call the lift. A blue light lit above the silvery doors, and they soon opened, revealing a deserted elevator.

"Which floor?" she asked hoarsely, due to the pressure he was putting her windpipe under. He shoved her in and the doors slid shut. He still didn't let her go and just whispered, "Press penthouse."

She swallowed and she knew he had felt her do so because his smile evolved into a toothy grin; She stretched forward, hitting the top button, making it light up red. Soon they felt the elevator rumble and whir. Harley tried to look up at him but he felt her moving and nipped her neck's skin with his arm, letting out a chuckle.

The doors opened in unison with a 'ping' noise once they had reached their destination. He switched places with Harley, sticking his head out of the lift to check if the coast was clear. He smiled and let her go, pushing her out of the claustrophobic transport.

The doors slid shut and it was just the two of them. The penthouse was pretty big, with timber for flooring and a clear view of Gotham City's skyline. Harley could hear his spats clacking over the floorboards as he moved around, already making himself at home.

She just stood, not really knowing what to do. She observed the rich, luxurious surroundings - it was something, she imagined, that Bruce Wayne had previously probably owned.

Her blue eyes caught Joker throwing himself violently onto a leather corner couch, his hand snatching the TV remote. His thumb furiously flicked through channels, his focus not really on anything on screen at all.

Harley shrugged and walked over to a closed door, knowing it must be the bathroom or bedroom since the kitchen was part of the eccentrically large living area. Opening the light door, a five star bedroom was revealed. There was a bed with black covers and plush cushions to match. To contrast, the rest of the room's contents was a silvery-grey or pure opal. It was near perfection. The bed, which had caught most of her attention, was located to the right of the room, not far from the skyline. It was sophisticated, but oddly, she found it kind of romantic. ..

She skipped further into the bedroom, slumping herself down onto the bed and nuzzling her face into the covers. "Mmm soft," she mumbled, giggling as she sat on her knees, bouncing a little to see how springy it was. She heard loud sounds from cartoons echoing from the living room, and she was kind of happy Joker was occupied... if he wasn't, she would have to discuss things with him... and she'd rather not. She hadn't thought about anything to say yet. Or ask. It was like... it didn't matter.

She began to stand a little and started to jump on the bed, careful of her head striking the ceiling. Before long she was laughing her head off, face pink from the fun she was having.

As her giggles grew louder, the familiar click of spats did the same yet the cartoon noises were still there. "_Harley_?" Joker called in a sweet tone, and from this she could tell he was grinning.

She stopped and gasped, collapsing over the covers; she immediately commenced in smoothing out the crumples in the silk bed covers. She placed a hand on her cheeks, feeling how hot they were.

"Shit..." she murmured, looking at the mess of cushions that had fallen off the bed.

The door swung open, Joker blinking as if he wasn't believing his eyes. Harley looked exhausted; her eyes were larger than usual and she was panting like whatever she'd been doing had been too much for him to take in.

His eyes narrowed in a calculating manner as he looked upon the cushions on the floor.

A surprised smirk played on his lips.

"What have you been doing?"

"N-Nothin'! Just..."

"Just... ?"

"I was..."

"You were having fun without _me_ - _weren't_ you?!" he exclaimed in a sorrowful manner, throwing his head back dramatically and placing the back of his hand on his forehead.

"Oh. I..."

"Well go on! Let _me_ on!" he cried, pushing her down into the mattress. She near screamed as she felt claws digging into her sides, tickling all of her weak nerves. Harley laughed childishly and rolled to-and-fro across the covers as he attacked her, tears of joy running down her cheeks.

"Oh _Dr _Quinzel!" he mocked, villainous pleasure spreading across his face. "Who knew an Arkham doctor could be so much _fun_?!"

Gasping for breath, Harley tried to shove him off but she only giggled harder when he placed his lips against her tummy and blew a raspberry on it. "S- Ahahahaha! S-Stop it!" she choked out, only encouraging him further.

Soon laughing himself, Joker eventually ceased his comical ventures and laid flat next to her; he looked over at her, watching her chest heaving up and down as she let out the last of her chuckles. _'That's almost a sexual innuendo...' _he thought, smirking as he gazed up at the ceiling.

Harley, still catching her breath, hugged his right side, resting her head on his shoulder. He dipped his head, lingering just above her lips when he smiled. She giggled and he purred, grabbing her shoulders in a swift movement to pin her to the mattress. As he brushed his mouth over hers, a buzzing sound suddenly sounded.

Joker sighed.

"Hold on a sec Pumpkin..." he murmured, half annoyed, and half still in their heated moment. He pulled out a phone from his pocket, accepting the call; He collapsed onto his back on the bed next to her, making the metal frame shudder.

"_Hellooo_!" he exclaimed in his usual cheerful manner, like the thing between him and Harley had never occurred.

Harley watched the Clown Prince intently as he squeezed his eyes shut, one hand on his forehead like he was irritated as he let out an agitated growl.

"_For god's sake_! What is it _now_?!"

She jumped at his stern, angered tone but then clung to his side cautiously.

"You _what_?! Well do something about it you blabbering baby! _- What?! _Well what the _hell_ am _I_ supposed to do?! Get a fishing net or something!"

Harley widened her eyes - Fishing net?!

"Okay, okay! _Look_, you nauseating numbskull! _I'm_ not going down there! What do you think I pay you useless bald guys for?! " There was a pause. "- _Oh ho ho!_ _Real _original! Actually you know what, do something useful, write a memo reminding me to put a bullet in your brain!"

Joker pulled the phone from his ear with a grimace, lifting an articulate eyebrow as savage growls and tearing noises blared out of the receiver. Sighing, he cut the call halfway through a scream, throwing the cell phone against the wall opposite.

Harley cleared her throat lightly, " Everything okay?"

He smiled, putting a nimble arm around her.

She smiled, regardless of her amazement about how quickly he could change mood - she hadn't seen him like that before.

"Perfect Pooh!" he murmured in reply, grinning like their private moment had never been interrupted, and laying his head back against the pillows behind them.

"Do you think - well, the cops will find us here eventually right?!" she suddenly blurted out, realizing she was stupid to voice her thoughts.

He frowned, as she laid beside him.

"Naa, not even Bats has a high enough IQ to suspect we're here. Oh! Speaking of The Rodent, I'll be out on a job tonight but I shouldn't be gone long - "

Harley looked disappointed, sulking.

"_Hey_! What's with the face?! I mean, _come on_! I'll be worried _sick_ about you!"

Her face brightened a little, her locks falling in front of her blue eyes.

"But you're staying _here_. It's _way_ too dangerous for you to join me! And... well you can't be seen for a while _anyway_... since your 'Missing Persons' report has already been aired _all over _Gotham TV. Turns out they found that CCTV when you helped me bust out from Arkham too ..."

Harley's face fell. So she was a _hostage_ now?! He was clearly using her for something... Or else he wouldn't go to so much trouble... to keep her with him. Not that she needed much persuading.

"Aww!" Joker exclaimed, arms hugging her tightly as he noticed her face. "Cheer up Sweets! You're a celebrity now!"


End file.
